Strip.

Peel me down to the basics.

Unhook my chains, ropes and laces.

Replace my decorations with dedication.

Interrupt my meditation with motivation.

Fold my fictions and cover them with facts.

Throw away the mask- still intact.

Blaze my costume and Conclude my act.

Wash away my extras, add-ons and bonus features. Let it all burn out like a high fever.

empty me of everything I don’t need… of that which is not me… then

Drag me home like a lost-and-found child

if you really do love me..

Please don’t leave me wild

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Familiar.

She was okay when I couldn’t quite speak.

Couldn’t get my words and my thoughts to part. So she’d lay her head against my chest to hear the beat and read it like a chart. I guess you can say…

She knew me by heart.

And she was okay when the ice set in.

When I let my emotions be replaced with depression. When my need to sleep became an obsession. Everything I once loved, I viewed as less then. When I looked at what was gone instead of what I was left with…

She was okay. I guess, in a way..

it did not feel like she was leaving me. She didn’t know this version of me.. She could not read this loveless being. Didn’t know the darkness, the anger, or the sadness she was seeing…

Seeing a stranger made it easy for her to part. The space in my chest was now empty, and…

She only knew me by heart.

Plan B.

And here I am again..

In the middle of no-man’s land.

Outstretch my hands.

Trying to catch my wishes before they hit the sand.

Tried to wish upon a shooting star…

But mine were just too big to make it that far.

Heavy bits of failed attempts drop from above and leave my palms bruised and scarred.

Collecting and gathering every wishful shard,

so I can push, pull and drag my dreams out of Imagination’s junkyard.

Through Broken Boulevards.

Past Fantasy’s graveyard.

Straight to Reality’s backyard…

Never knowing if my wants will be realized, yet too proud to give up or compromise…

So I’ve made up my mind to roll up my sleeves.

Done tripping on wishes…

I’ll do it manually.

Move.

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And so…

we keep on.

Through the Moon. Around the Sun.

No waiting for better days to come. Break through grey clouds and watch the overcast come undone. No lingering in days long gone.

Lick our thumbs and turn the page of yesterday.

Gliding across dark stages like a Broadway ballet.

No looking back. Dance until the final act. Until the curtain is drawn.

Until there’s nothing more to add on… drag on… dream on..

no more hopes to take a chance on.

No more fences to lean on..

Until we’ve used every single crayon. Until we’ve worn out the knees we pray on.

Through day and night. Dusk and dawn.

Won’t stop until we reach Heaven’s lawn.

Until that day comes, We are not where we belong.

And so…

we keep on.

Decorate.

She showed me her true colors.

Showed how wrong we were for each other.

So I pulled out my brush set

and water colors worked well with tears wept.

Filled in her empty parts with blood from my own heart.

Swept her black and white tones with my grey sweat.

Glossed her harsh shadows with my pink tongue.

Gave her transparency with air from my very lungs.

Did not attempt to make a masterpiece,

Just… something that matched me… what I thought she could be.

She saw me out of context.

I saw her as a project.

Fantasy airbrushed my logic…

Could be the curse of being an artist.

The Negotiate.Her. (free write)

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I used to only want the best for me.

Held my head up so high, even the sky seemed limiting. Like butter, my self-esteem spread over everything… how I used to be, who I was, and what I will be.

Now here I am… still standing.

Legs shaking, as I desperately try not to fall to my knees… See, life’s endless testing made me too weak to carry my self-esteem. So completely unworthy… I resort to bargaining.

I will take your half-heartedness, but… well maybe you can at least give me the right half of it…

I will make-do with your eye wondering. It.. has to land on me eventually…

I can stand being forgotten occasionally… besides, I was born being lonely.

I will make do with your day-late wishes, forced smiles, weak hugs and cold love…….. Yes, I think this… this is good enough.

Selling my heart at a discounted rate… In exchange for… this thing……. should be ashamed to beg for something I can’t even give a proper name…

Just. Please. Give me what you can and I will work with what I get.

I will forgive what you forget.

I will learn to live with being the next best thing after the last thing, if that means I’ll have reason to be. I have no right to demand anything, but please,

Just…

Leave me this thing.