Plan B.

And here I am again..

In the middle of no-man’s land.

Outstretch my hands.

Trying to catch my wishes before they hit the sand.

Tried to wish upon a shooting star…

But mine were just too big to make it that far.

Heavy bits of failed attempts drop from above and leave my palms bruised and scarred.

Collecting and gathering every wishful shard,

so I can push, pull and drag my dreams out of Imagination’s junkyard.

Through Broken Boulevards.

Past Fantasy’s graveyard.

Straight to Reality’s backyard…

Never knowing if my wants will be realized, yet too proud to give up or compromise…

So I’ve made up my mind to roll up my sleeves.

Done tripping on wishes…

I’ll do it manually.

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Move.

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And so…

we keep on.

Through the Moon. Around the Sun.

No waiting for better days to come. Break through grey clouds and watch the overcast come undone. No lingering in days long gone.

Lick our thumbs and turn the page of yesterday.

Gliding across dark stages like a Broadway ballet.

No looking back. Dance until the final act. Until the curtain is drawn.

Until there’s nothing more to add on… drag on… dream on..

no more hopes to take a chance on.

No more fences to lean on..

Until we’ve used every single crayon. Until we’ve worn out the knees we pray on.

Through day and night. Dusk and dawn.

Won’t stop until we reach Heaven’s lawn.

Until that day comes, We are not where we belong.

And so…

we keep on.

Decorate.

She showed me her true colors.

Showed how wrong we were for each other.

So I pulled out my brush set

and water colors worked well with tears wept.

Filled in her empty parts with blood from my own heart.

Swept her black and white tones with my grey sweat.

Glossed her harsh shadows with my pink tongue.

Gave her transparency with air from my very lungs.

Did not attempt to make a masterpiece,

Just… something that matched me… what I thought she could be.

She saw me out of context.

I saw her as a project.

Fantasy airbrushed my logic…

Could be the curse of being an artist.

The Negotiate.Her. (free write)

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I used to only want the best for me.

Held my head up so high, even the sky seemed limiting. Like butter, my self-esteem spread over everything… how I used to be, who I was, and what I will be.

Now here I am… still standing.

Legs shaking, as I desperately try not to fall to my knees… See, life’s endless testing made me too weak to carry my self-esteem. So completely unworthy… I resort to bargaining.

I will take your half-heartedness, but… well maybe you can at least give me the right half of it…

I will make-do with your eye wondering. It.. has to land on me eventually…

I can stand being forgotten occasionally… besides, I was born being lonely.

I will make do with your day-late wishes, forced smiles, weak hugs and cold love…….. Yes, I think this… this is good enough.

Selling my heart at a discounted rate… In exchange for… this thing……. should be ashamed to beg for something I can’t even give a proper name…

Just. Please. Give me what you can and I will work with what I get.

I will forgive what you forget.

I will learn to live with being the next best thing after the last thing, if that means I’ll have reason to be. I have no right to demand anything, but please,

Just…

Leave me this thing.

Influenc.Her.

He bleeds honesty. So.

She keeps a knife in his chest.

Penetrates his flesh.

He cries integrity, so she keeps his tears fresh.

She’d mention she has good intentions.

Encouraging him to be his best.

Connected to him through his weakness and pain.

She knew it was possible to make someone change.

Somewhere between the hurt of her last broken heart and gathering the will to restart, she picked up a piece of knowledge to which she held firm:

They will only learn if it burns.

A Simple Tune.

tune

 You’d say its a shame you could only gaze at it before bed… Made no sense in my head.

Our bedroom had a view of the moon… magic hours were between 10 and 2. Lost on me, but for some reason it always enhanced your mood. Never truly understood you. You would hum, and I can’t say I cared for the simple tune… never ended too soon.

We’d wake up and race each other to the bathroom.

I win.

With toothpaste slathered across your grin; we’d stare at each others’ reflection as we brushed our teeth. You had more time than me to get ready, so your face in my space bothered me…

Compromised on the water temperature as we showered together. I’d long for more heat… even just a few degrees. You’d pick out my clothes. I began to forget what I’d bought on my own… Kiss each other goodbye. Relieved to have space for just a moment of time. Send me texts while I’d catch my breath between meetings… How could you miss me already? Race each other home. Loser cooks dinner.

I win.

Then fill me in on your day. How much could have happened while I was away? Laugh too hard when I’d tell you about that awkward reception lady in grey. A glass of wine? Red- doesn’t matter the kind. Watch a movie and unwind. I’ll loosen my tie. Race each other to the bedroom.

I win.

Spin and undress each other, and then dress in each other. Combine. Intertwine like the fresh juice of a lemon and lime.

 


The memory of you has been long gone. An uneven match never prone to make it past dawn. In my old age, I lay here in bed while my wife reads in the other room.

It is a quarter ’til 2. I lay here and hum a simple tune as I stare at the moon. Knowing somewhere out there… you are too.

You win.