Wide Shut.

Sometimes my thoughts get caught in between what’s in front of me and what I can’t see.
Daylight and dreams.
When my eyes are closed, my soul can breathe.
… I think I blink just to have a millisecond of “getting back to me”.
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Strip.

Peel me down to the basics.

Unhook my chains, ropes and laces.

Replace my decorations with dedication.

Interrupt my meditation with motivation.

Fold my fictions and cover them with facts.

Throw away the mask- still intact.

Blaze my costume and Conclude my act.

Wash away my extras, add-ons and bonus features. Let it all burn out like a high fever.

empty me of everything I don’t need… of that which is not me… then

Drag me home like a lost-and-found child

if you really do love me..

Please don’t leave me wild

Familiar.

She was okay when I couldn’t quite speak.

Couldn’t get my words and my thoughts to part. So she’d lay her head against my chest to hear the beat and read it like a chart. I guess you can say…

She knew me by heart.

And she was okay when the ice set in.

When I let my emotions be replaced with depression. When my need to sleep became an obsession. Everything I once loved, I viewed as less then. When I looked at what was gone instead of what I was left with…

She was okay. I guess, in a way..

it did not feel like she was leaving me. She didn’t know this version of me.. She could not read this loveless being. Didn’t know the darkness, the anger, or the sadness she was seeing…

Seeing a stranger made it easy for her to part. The space in my chest was now empty, and…

She only knew me by heart.

Move.

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And so…

we keep on.

Through the Moon. Around the Sun.

No waiting for better days to come. Break through grey clouds and watch the overcast come undone. No lingering in days long gone.

Lick our thumbs and turn the page of yesterday.

Gliding across dark stages like a Broadway ballet.

No looking back. Dance until the final act. Until the curtain is drawn.

Until there’s nothing more to add on… drag on… dream on..

no more hopes to take a chance on.

No more fences to lean on..

Until we’ve used every single crayon. Until we’ve worn out the knees we pray on.

Through day and night. Dusk and dawn.

Won’t stop until we reach Heaven’s lawn.

Until that day comes, We are not where we belong.

And so…

we keep on.

Decorate.

She showed me her true colors.

Showed how wrong we were for each other.

So I pulled out my brush set

and water colors worked well with tears wept.

Filled in her empty parts with blood from my own heart.

Swept her black and white tones with my grey sweat.

Glossed her harsh shadows with my pink tongue.

Gave her transparency with air from my very lungs.

Did not attempt to make a masterpiece,

Just… something that matched me… what I thought she could be.

She saw me out of context.

I saw her as a project.

Fantasy airbrushed my logic…

Could be the curse of being an artist.

Closing Act.

Back here again.

The most familiar place I’ve ever been.

This is the part where I’m forgotten… again.

Where I fold into the shadows of memories that blend in with empty spaces and cold wind.

The part where I am let go of.

Where I come crashing down from above. Where I’m reminded that the embarrassing fall out of love often comes with a beastly shove.

The part where the end is near. Closer than it appears.

Where my eyes build up with tears- blinding me, so I won’t have to face my fears.

The part where I become another “was”.

Because my “ends and odds” are finally realized as flaws.

So before my scene gets paused and the curtain draws…

Let me give my best.

If it has to end,

let it be to the sound of a grand applause.